No. Just, no.
Closing all of my doors for awhile.
Let the drawing board be inked.
I always know what’s going to happen before it ever does.
It never changes what I’m going to do, and I guess it’s time I become wise to it and actually do the smart thing ahead of time. I just have to keep going.
Keep going, Nick.
Love never lasted for me. I had many relationships, but most of them burned at the tips of it’s peak. Fault me for most of it. I have commitment issues. I am afraid of being in love and I usually run from it. Just as day broke and there was nothing but green on my horizon, I turned and leaped off the cliff and into the valley of loneliness. I think I grew up as a loner, a lone wolf, someone who didn’t need anyone but himself. And because of it, having someone close enough to me to hold me up where I fault almost scares me. I blame it on my father. The one who decided to stick around but never actually be a part of my life. He was just a stranger who looked a lot like me and happened to stare at me whenever I’d do something that was interesting. I tried so hard to impress him. I tried so hard to make him happy. And I guess when it failed, I stopped trying to make anyone happy. So maybe I’m just that kid on the baseball field, who spends his time under the lights, not because he needs to play, not because he loves it, but because he just needs to feel the breath of another soul and watch it grow. My relationships have never been long enough to be beautiful art. They are simply smeared ideas and drawings of immaculate cathedrals that were never built. I miss love. The one time I fell. But I guess you can’t always have what you want, right? I don’t talk to anyone I’ve lost. I guess it’s my way of letting go. Or my way of coping. Who knows?
What about you?
I will never be all anyone needs.
Fate has proven so.
I hope so. It seems like it’s taking forever. Or may never happen.
Everything. So much that I can’t even talk about. I can’t speak. I can’t move. I’m in such a bind.